Being a preschool teacher, I really need to use my voice. But it wasn't until I lost it, that I realized how much I needed it and took it for granted. Isn't that the case for most things we lose?
God is always showing me something in my weaknesses: I have no voice. Yet, I had a voice up until now and was I using it for glorious things? Well, not exactly. I have ministry opportunities here and there. Am I putting myself out there? Not really. I could be doing more. Now that I am voice impaired, of course I make excuses, but when I eventually get my voice back, I really have no excuse.
Do I hear God's voice clearly? The answer is yes I do. I have a gift. A gift that was given to me when I was just a little girl. A gift that is not meant to be hidden. What am I so scared of?
Why does the enemy whisper such horrible things in our ears?
I know anyone can relate. Those negative thoughts that start out as little negative suggestions and then in turn become a state a mind. Why are we living feeling sorry for ourselves? I don't want to feel sorry myself anymore. I want to use my voice that God has given me! Since I cannot physically speak, I will write what is on my heart. What is stirring inside.
I am in the process of self-discovery. I am in need of MORE, but don't know how to get there. I am now attempting to ween myself out of the kid business and now move onto a possible writing career? We'll see. The point is: I need to live in a way that I constantly surrender to God. My writing, my free will, my ideas for the future; I need to surrender all of it.
I have to trust that the promises God has given me are real and that they are true and they WILL HAPPEN. Definitely not in my time frame but in His. I am growing, and I am being shaped. It hurts, like my throat hurts right now. But it's a wake up call! I had my voice all along, why wasn't I using it to worship praises to my King? I had a voice, why wasn't I using it to proclaim the truth? Why wasn't I using it to encourage my friends and family? Now my voice is gone. But not forever. For when it comes back, I will be ready to use it again :)
To those of you who have a voice: Use it for His Glory and Purpose. Pray to the Father about what that means for you.
I was made to worship. Whether it be in song, with my words, or in my writing. I was made to worship. I surrender all. For I cannot do it on my own. Thank you Jesus for the reminder, and please can I have my voice back now? :)
Listening to Brian and Jenn Johnson's cd "We Believe."
