Breakthrough

I can feel my heart beating in my chest to the rhythm of my footsteps-

The only sound I hear is my breathing in this surrounding darkness.

If only I could find my voice...

If only I had a choice,

Don't I?

I can choose to stop running and face whatever may be chasing me, but at risk of getting caught.

SOMTHING is out there and it has my scent,

tracking my every move.

If only I could find my voice...

I continue to run into the present darkness, searching for some way out.

Is that light that I see in the distance?

If only I could get there...

As I run the light becomes closer and closer, but yet I stuck somehow.

How do I get to where the light is?

The closer I get to the light, the more encouraged I feel.

All of a sudden I feel that FEELING-

Something is out there.

Oppressed, I attempt to continue to run towards the light, yet stumble and fall to the ground.

As I feel the darkness surround me, I begin to cry.

I still can't see anything but that far off light...

Is their hope?

I attempt to get back up, but something is holding me down,

If only I could just open my mouth...

Tears stinging my eyes, I struggle to bring myself up.

I can't run.

I can't move.

"It's all in your head, you don't see anything," I hear a voice from the darkness say.

"You can't open your mouth, you can't sing, Jesus Christ is not your king."

An aching from within builds from inside of me, as if it has been there along.

As if this longing has been instilled from the depths of my soul...

"OH GLORY! Jesus, now I know!

I know why I am here and that you are with me,

wanting to set me free!"

An overwhelming joy bubbles up inside of me, allowing me to hear, along me to see!

"My child, open up your mouth and sing!

I am with you and always will be! "

With the darkness overwhelming me, the JOY overcomes!

I now know I am not alone!

"You aren't getting anywhere, and you're nothing special.." the darkness states.

"You will not succeed, nor make a difference, no one cares about your influence."

I close my eyes and SHOUT! -

"Jesus!" I sing out with tears of joy-

"Jesus! Breakthrough!"

I sing aloud:

"This is Jesus, in His Glory, King of Heaven, dying for me!

It is finished! He has done it!

Death is beaten, Heaven beckons me!

The voice in the darkness is no longer there,

I open my eyes, no longer feeling oppressed.

I stand up, and seeing the light much closer now, I continue to run towards it.

I am not fearful, yet compelled to keep running.

I feel God pressing me towards the goal.

I am encouraged as I feel the freedom of His embrace.

I am running when I reach an opening.

I find myself standing on the edge of a cliff several hundred feet from water level,

big open clear sky ahead of me;

darkness behind me, and I look to see rushing water below me.

"Now where do I go?" I say out loud.

"Sing My Name." I hear God say.

I stand there for just a moment, open up my mouth and sing:

" Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, theirs just something about that name..

Master, Maker, Jesus, all of heaven and earth proclaim!"

"Trust me" I hear Him say,

"Jump!"

I don't hesitate as I dive down into the crystal clear water.

I've got you my child,

don't worry, I've got you."

Credit to my recent favorite: Kim walker's song, "See His Love"

Also: Worship song, "Theirs just something about that name" sung by many.

A Longing from within

I am one girl, standing-

alone.

I open my mouth to shout,

but no noise comes out.

Am I dreaming?

What is this I am feeling?

A need to go deeper,

A want for something more.

But I AM NOT alone.

I have those placed beside me.

Same plan, same purpose.

Those who are chosen, just like me.

I am one worshiper-

among many.

How can my voice me heard

When I don't hear anything coming out of my mouth?

Hello? Is anyone there?

YES I AM HERE.

I want..more...Jesus..

Fill me with your presence.

Reveal to me your plan.

Allow me to be heard!

I desire to commune with my Jesus.

I hear your voice.

Grant me wisdom to speak your truth.

Fill my emptiness with all that has do with you.

Chatter Chatter Chatter...

Allow it to mean something!

Oh God fill me!

Don't let it all be in vain!

I give my life, my heart, my world-

to you.

Allow me to just know...

to be in tune with who you are

and what you want for me.

I cast out all fear in Jesus Name!

Grant me my gifts that you have given me-

And I will in turn give them back to you..

Amen.

A start..

How do I begin?

How do I get there?

Step by step, word by word, I get closer and closer, right?

Closer to what, seems to be, an unattainable goal.

I smile because their IS hope.

Now I just need to mix that hope with some perseverance and then my path will be marked out before me, right?

I'm not sure about a certain formula, or a way of doing things that will get me there.

I am sure of one thing though:

A passion. A love for writing , words on a page, pen to paper, and empty notebooks filled with possibilities. I'm sure what God has given me. A gift. A love; for what I am doing now and what is going to come of it. An excitement that God's in control of my gift, and He will ultimately do what he will do with it.

I just have to be willing...

The lovely, pure and thoughtful..

I wish, sometimes, that I would look at my life with more depth and FEELING.

That I would live EVERY moment, in that moment and not living just for what's next.

Why should I spend my questioning about why? And when? And how? When life, is happening right now.

I want to live my life with a new appreciation for laughter, lovely things, and relationships.

I don't want to worry or analyze or focus on things, that just don't matter.

The truth is, I want to make steps towards what is real, and enjoy myself.

When did I become to distant and unaware of who I am and what surrounds me? I don't want to simply exist. Instead I want to insist upon living a full, passionate life, that is not only filled with joy, but glorifies that Almighty God! I dedicate my life to Him and His plan, and I am confident in that plan.

Sometimes we have to go through the storms in life, to really appreciate when the sun comes shining through...

Listen

I live my life scared.

Why?

Is it the people I fear?

Is it love that I fear?

I live a life of purpose...

Do I?

Do I strive towards the things that matter?

Listen Child.

"When I heard your voice, and you said my name, my heart it yearns.."

~I am Yours by Misty Edwards

Haggai 2:3

Who of you is left, who saw this house in its former glory? How does it look to you now? Does it not seem to you like nothing? But now, be strong! Declares the Lord, and work! For I am with you! And my Spirit remains among you. Do not fear!

A shaking must take place..

What exactly do you have in store for me God?

It All Changed At The Cross

I can feel you calling me,

Calling me back to you.

I can feel you whisper to me,

Whisper to me in my ear.

You are desperate for me,

Show me that you are near!

Every day it gets more clear,

Why I am here. 

Desperate for you,

Hoping you will come,

And meet me here. 

He's Alive!

A stirring in my spirit,

That brings me to joyful tears.

A shift in my world,

That brings me to my knees.

A change that happens,

Because of a sacrifice,

That was made.

A voice that calls your name,

Calls you to choose life,

Over death.

Because of a choice that was already made,

It has already been established.

Define me.

Overwhelm me.

Consume me.

A connection that can only be felt through the Hold Spirit.

A connection that depends on a daily renewal of the mind.

Who are we to take control?

Let's do it His way instead...

A destiny.

A plan.

A purpose.

A promise.

An unending life...

A decision...

Your grace is sufficient for me!

Lose your life, so that you can find it.

Amen. 

Friendly Daisies

 I  wish I could say I was doing it to get attention. This three week long cold  has seemed to have gotten attached to me. "Cold, cold go away, come again another day!!" 

Does that saying work only with the rain? 

Now, I will sing the song that I sang to my boyfriend, Justin earlier today, "This is the cold that never ends, it just goes on and on my friend! Some people started thinking that it was gonna go away, but I kept on coughing forever just the same. This is the cold that never ends.."

You get the point.

After not sleeping and not eating for some time, one tends to find the little things in life that cheer you up. Last week, Justin brought me Daisies,(my favorite flower), in the honor of it being a wednesday.(Cute) WELL! In order to keep myself sane this past week, I have carried my daisies from room to room with me as I move about the house, simply because daisies are very friendly and they cheer me up :) Has anyone ever seen the movie, You Got Mail?

Licorice, reading a good book, (thanks Roz), peppermint tea in a cute mug, and scrabble, are only a handful of things that simply tend to make my day lately. 

Who knew that the little things can keep you happy when your sick at home...

Miss you mom :(