God is writing my story

I must say that the inspiration award yet again goes to Donald Miller, who has written quite a fun read so far. I don't know if I'm enjoying the book or if it's more the fact that Justin is reading out loud to me :) Donald Miller, in his recent book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, talks about God being the writer of His story and how He knows what is best for the character (Don) to move forward.

I simply adored this concept. The God Almighty is, on a daily basis, offering a better plot, a surprise twist or possibly a more satisfying outcome.

I wish I could write for living. Get paid to write? That would be awesome. Deadlines? Not so awesome. BUT at least I would be writing and people would be reading it.

I want to live in expectation of what God has for me. I want to be living every day thinking that it's an opportunity for something more. I just wish I would trust God a little bit more. I wish I would allow him to work through me, instead of getting scared and full of doubt and allowing the enemy to overwhelm me and tell me what I am not capable of.

What would I write about, you ask? Well, I'm starting with this blog to keep me writing, but eventually I would like to actually finish a book. My anticipated book would be entitled: "My Soul Can't Dance Without You" by Melissa Nichols. :)

It would be about how God truly works in our lives and truly cares about what is going on with us. It would be about how He knows our innermost thoughts and how He designed us and absolutely loves us. About how He does talk to us on a daily basis and us learning how to listen. I would write testimonies of how God has worked so intimately in my life, and how ever since I have dedicated my life to Him, it has been nothing but interesting and amazing: that I now know who I am in Christ and what my vision, calling, and gifts are. The book would help people--especially women, since it is from a woman's point of view and I am called to women's ministry--understand how God only wants us to surrender to Him and live in obedience, so He can in turn build our faith and love on us as life takes us through ups and downs and different circumstances.

We are not alone. I know that this is something we all need to hear. A reassurance that God knows where you're at, that He's speaking to you and that He actually knows what's next. He is writing our story. How cool is that?! Why wouldn't I want to ask and listen to the God who designed me and knows my innermost thoughts, who already knows what is to become of me?

When I was younger, I would ask my dad questions like:

"How does God know what is going to happen next?"

"If He already knows what is going to happen, why do I need to make any decisions at all?"

"What if I mess up, then does that mean He's mad at me and I can't do great things anymore?"

My dad, obviously overwhelmed with questions from a 10 year old, responded:

"It's like this Mels. " He laid his hands out on the table and put one hand on one end and the other hand far away from it and said, " Think of it like a comic strip: God knows the end and He knows the beginning."

I still remember that today and I know he was trying to to satisfy all my questions as a little one... but you know... it really made sense to me.

God is writing my story.

He already knows, I just have to ask, and then follow directions.

{Listening to: Bethany Dillion-- self-titled album :) Awesome stuff, definitely recommend it!}

Three Little Words

"I love you teacher." Robbie said looking up at me with his blue eyes as we were finishing up snack. Such big words for such a little guy. This four year old doesn't have any idea how much more hope he gave me that school day when he said those words to me. Some days are better than others in the life of a preschool teacher. I love to teach and see the kids learning and enjoying themselves; Yet, the kids aren't always listening or paying attention. I try not to let this discourage me, they are just little, they don't know! It's funny how whenever I tell people I am a preschool teacher I almost get the same response: "Aw! How cute! It must be so fun working with the little ones, you never have to grow up! You must be SO patient."

I find this funny because I used to think I was a patient person and that it was one of my strong points, until two things happened in my life: I became a preschool teacher and I got married. Sometimes I think if I hear "Teacher! Teacher! Teacher!" One more time, I think I am going to go crazy. I can imagine how Mom's must feel when they hear, "Mom! Mommy! Mama!" Over and over again and all day long. It's hard to keep my sanity when a handful of little ones want my attention all at one time. Other days, I try to look on the bright side of things and think how awesome it is that I am put in such a position that the kids look up to me, want to interact with me, and act as if I am the best thing 'since sliced bread'. (that saying is thanks to my grandma, the first time I heard it I thought SHE was the funniest thing since sliced bread).

Its great actually, the little ones laugh at everything I say, sing all the songs I sing, and want to ask me all kinds of questions. They act as though I am, for two and half hours and three days a week, the most interesting person they have ever encountered. Who wouldn't want that?

The kind of problems one shall encounter when in the profession of being a preschool teacher is that you must know the words to the songs you are singing so that that they in turn, shall know them as well. For example: With Christmas coming up, it is my job to teach my kids in my class all the songs they will be singing for the Christmas program. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it being my first year of teaching, I need to know the songs, so I can teach it to them. The problem is, I am learning as I go as well. I am doing my best. I have been listening to the Christmas program cd in my car. Yes, I am singing Christmas songs in November before Thanksgiving, but I don't really have much of a choice.

Another problem with learning as you go is making sure I am always prepared for class, even though I am an assistant for another class in the afternoon and have to be ready for that class. I'm attempting to find the balance so I don't continue to forget the kids birthdays and not have any thing written in my teacher planner for my "circle times". Usually I wing it, but I don't just want to get through my circle times with my kids, I want to have fun with the stories, make them smile, and be creative with the time I do have with them; so that they are learning and experiencing Jesus' love through me with the time that we have together.

Being patient and being married is a whole other story! My husband is the most patient person I know--so much in fact that he puts me thinking I am patient, to shame. I say this in the most light hearted way because it is actually funny how laid back and go with the flow my husband is. Being with him has made me notice things about myself that I never noticed about myself before. A few of those things being: I worry way more than I should, I am not as easy going as I thought, and I am quite the planner. There is something satisfying about writing things down in my planner. I am not one of those who have an i phone just yet, so I am not sure how satisfying of an experience it will be to use a touch screen instead of a pen. We'll see. But I must say, that because of Justin, I am not much of a worrier (I don't like the term "worry wort"), than I used to be. And for that, I am extremely thankful.

My inspiration, I must say, goes to little Robbie-- Who really has no idea how much that meant to me when he said three little words. It's all about perspective, and it shifted when he spoke those heart changing words to me because I realized, I am here for the kids, not for me or for the projects, or even for the Christmas songs! I am here for them, and in turn for Jesus in me, who will reach their little hearts :)

Stop talking about it

In hopes of giving myself a goal of writing at least one post every day and revamping my blog; I will start writing consistently--which is really what I am suppose to be doing. It is what has been ingrained in me for so long and spoken over me: Write Melissa! Write!

I actually am not really quite sure why I am suppose to be writing and why it is so important, yet God keeps telling me to share. I really do have so much to share, but I just don't know where to begin. I just started this book that I got at a book store at Bethel Church while visiting Redding, CA. It was quite an expansive book, and Justin put all his other books back that he wanted in order for me to get this pricey book. Which I thought was very kind and thoughtful of him. He is always so encouraging of my writing, even though he doesn't exactly know the extent of it or how it's all really going to turn out, yet he still cheers me on. Anyway, this book that I got should be a good start to what I actually want to accomplish: WRITING A BOOK. But not only writing a book but publishing a book...eventually. This book has the seemingly uncommon title of: "How to Write and Publish Your Book." By Aaron McMahon. What drew me to this book was not just the boring title, but the fact that that boring title, was on my mind...How do I actually write and publish my own book? I mean how do I get this thing started??? I really had no idea, I just knew it was on my heart and mind and that it was my next goal that I was attempting to achieve.

What REALLY drew me in to actually opening the book and considering it was that the subtext after the title read: "An impartation of practical keys to unlocking your divine book-writing destiny." After reading that I was almost convinced.

This book probably would have looked so fancy or had been so intriguing if it wasn't for the fact that I had just had a conversation with Justin over delicious coffee about wanting to pursue and challenge myself more creatively, and I knew that meant I needed to start writing. But not just talking about it anymore, because ask my friends and family--I have been talking about it for years. My New Years resolution for 4 years in a row was to write and book and finish it.

I knew as the words were coming out of mouth and as I was expressing myself about what I should be doing--that God would give me the tools to do it. It is so pressing upon my heart that I just need to get started! If though I'm not quite sure what that means yet.

So let me tell you about this super cool book. It helps to break down my ideas into little boxes and sort out my thoughts strategically so I can work on putting it all into an outline. It's a 'write in' book so I get to not only read about it but start writing stuff down right away! This is my first day. I am excited to start it. I feel like God gave it to me and He was just like, "Melissa, here you go...now start writing!"

As of right now my writing will be purposeful if it's meant to be, but if not, it's not. I am no longer going to put pressure on myself to just write amazing life changing things--because God tells me every day that I already have what it takes and that I just need to step out and trust him. I'm excited about my new challenge for myself.

Justin, (my husband) and Lauren, (my best friend who lives in Cali) are my accountability people to keep me on it. Justin likes to be my little editor and he's good at it so I suck it up and let him edit my stuff, even though I don't love it. He doesn't change what I write though, he just give's me lectures about you're and your and their and there's and how these words sound the same but are used differently. I love my husband, but he is a mr. smarty pants. I have learned so much from him though and he inspires me. I know it's just because he wants me to be the best writer that I can be, and I love him for that! I should be happy he's willing to help me and be involved! God placed him in my life to be my help mate right? Sometimes I am just stubborn and I think he's just trying to correct me and tell me what to do. But sometimes we need more correction in our lives so we can be better, you know?

An inspiration for my writing this week (which I am going to try to list every week): Justin and I have been reading a book called, "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller. He is such a real and down to earth writer. His writing is amusing at times and easy to read, yet there is a lot of substance to it. I thought while Justin was reading aloud to me, I am really enjoying this guys writing and he is just talking about his day. But he wasn't just talking about his day, he was talking about what he got out of the day, what impacted him, what struck him funny, what hurt him, and what he felt like God was showing him. Then I thought, I can write like that. I do write like that! I just need to do it.

Side note:I am listening to Tenth Avenue North and Starfield and I'm finding it very inspiring. If you, (the reader) need to do any creative work, I highly recommend it. Also, Brooke Fraser's new album, "Flags" is amazing!

Delightful Little Things

An 8 year old inspired me yesterday when she showed me a notebook pasted with horses that she simply listed in neat printed penmanship, a list of all the things she loves.

It made me think: What would my list look like now if I were to write out all of the things that I simply LOVE?

I thought I would give it a try...

I love when the sun comes out after a week of rain in Oregon, and it makes it all worth it.

I love holding an umbrella in the rain.

I love when I get a random text from my fiance while I'm at work, telling me hi or that he loves me.

I love drinking coffee when it's cold outside.

I love reading and listening to the rain.

I love writing in coffee shops.

I love fridays with Becky.

I love when the littles at school make the effort to say hello to me and give me hug. It makes it all worth it.

I love making a difference in children's lives.

I love working with Jordan even when it is challenging.

I love to see Jordan smile.

I love being silly with kids, they're my biggest fans.

I love cuddling with Justin on the couch.

I love Justin's laugh.

I love when Justin and I spend time together doing anything.

I love when Justin kisses me and how it's new every time.

I love my family and how silly they are.

I love looking out my windows in my apartment.

I love dipping biscotti and/or shortbread cookies in my coffee.

I love hanging out with my girls and laughing about everything.

I love when Justin wears his glasses.

I love my macbook.

I love the color red.

I love getting cozy.

I love sleeping in.

I love planning my wedding.

I love Justin's and my new townhouse that we are moving into soon!

I love books.

I love getting new make up.

I love when Lauren comes to visit.

I love seeing my mom after a long time and having so much to say.

I love being silly with Justin and making each other crack up.

I love Justin hugs.

I love watching little Ro run. (Justin's nephew)

I love getting a fresh perspective.

I love hearing God's Father-like voice speak to me.

I love when my dad calls me.

I love when friends go out of their way to show me that they appreciate me.

I love how little baby girls Josie and Jordan look like their mammas.

I love playing checkers with Zion.

I love playing scrabble.

I love getting compliments.

I love surprises.

I love feeling creative.

I love writing.

I love when things match.

I appreciate the little things in life that make me happy. These' I loves' aren't based on my life but just for this certain time in my life. Thank you to all the people that make 'my loves' possible :)

Breakthrough

I can feel my heart beating in my chest to the rhythm of my footsteps-

The only sound I hear is my breathing in this surrounding darkness.

If only I could find my voice...

If only I had a choice,

Don't I?

I can choose to stop running and face whatever may be chasing me, but at risk of getting caught.

SOMTHING is out there and it has my scent,

tracking my every move.

If only I could find my voice...

I continue to run into the present darkness, searching for some way out.

Is that light that I see in the distance?

If only I could get there...

As I run the light becomes closer and closer, but yet I stuck somehow.

How do I get to where the light is?

The closer I get to the light, the more encouraged I feel.

All of a sudden I feel that FEELING-

Something is out there.

Oppressed, I attempt to continue to run towards the light, yet stumble and fall to the ground.

As I feel the darkness surround me, I begin to cry.

I still can't see anything but that far off light...

Is their hope?

I attempt to get back up, but something is holding me down,

If only I could just open my mouth...

Tears stinging my eyes, I struggle to bring myself up.

I can't run.

I can't move.

"It's all in your head, you don't see anything," I hear a voice from the darkness say.

"You can't open your mouth, you can't sing, Jesus Christ is not your king."

An aching from within builds from inside of me, as if it has been there along.

As if this longing has been instilled from the depths of my soul...

"OH GLORY! Jesus, now I know!

I know why I am here and that you are with me,

wanting to set me free!"

An overwhelming joy bubbles up inside of me, allowing me to hear, along me to see!

"My child, open up your mouth and sing!

I am with you and always will be! "

With the darkness overwhelming me, the JOY overcomes!

I now know I am not alone!

"You aren't getting anywhere, and you're nothing special.." the darkness states.

"You will not succeed, nor make a difference, no one cares about your influence."

I close my eyes and SHOUT! -

"Jesus!" I sing out with tears of joy-

"Jesus! Breakthrough!"

I sing aloud:

"This is Jesus, in His Glory, King of Heaven, dying for me!

It is finished! He has done it!

Death is beaten, Heaven beckons me!

The voice in the darkness is no longer there,

I open my eyes, no longer feeling oppressed.

I stand up, and seeing the light much closer now, I continue to run towards it.

I am not fearful, yet compelled to keep running.

I feel God pressing me towards the goal.

I am encouraged as I feel the freedom of His embrace.

I am running when I reach an opening.

I find myself standing on the edge of a cliff several hundred feet from water level,

big open clear sky ahead of me;

darkness behind me, and I look to see rushing water below me.

"Now where do I go?" I say out loud.

"Sing My Name." I hear God say.

I stand there for just a moment, open up my mouth and sing:

" Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, theirs just something about that name..

Master, Maker, Jesus, all of heaven and earth proclaim!"

"Trust me" I hear Him say,

"Jump!"

I don't hesitate as I dive down into the crystal clear water.

I've got you my child,

don't worry, I've got you."

Credit to my recent favorite: Kim walker's song, "See His Love"

Also: Worship song, "Theirs just something about that name" sung by many.

A Longing from within

I am one girl, standing-

alone.

I open my mouth to shout,

but no noise comes out.

Am I dreaming?

What is this I am feeling?

A need to go deeper,

A want for something more.

But I AM NOT alone.

I have those placed beside me.

Same plan, same purpose.

Those who are chosen, just like me.

I am one worshiper-

among many.

How can my voice me heard

When I don't hear anything coming out of my mouth?

Hello? Is anyone there?

YES I AM HERE.

I want..more...Jesus..

Fill me with your presence.

Reveal to me your plan.

Allow me to be heard!

I desire to commune with my Jesus.

I hear your voice.

Grant me wisdom to speak your truth.

Fill my emptiness with all that has do with you.

Chatter Chatter Chatter...

Allow it to mean something!

Oh God fill me!

Don't let it all be in vain!

I give my life, my heart, my world-

to you.

Allow me to just know...

to be in tune with who you are

and what you want for me.

I cast out all fear in Jesus Name!

Grant me my gifts that you have given me-

And I will in turn give them back to you..

Amen.